Ramblings

feeling sad and withdrawn today
because i am not beautiful
though he says that i am
i am merely me
the rejected one
of so many before him
merely a sinner
a lowly lamb
trying to find my path
trying to do a good job
can he slow down and see me
and be my friend
i have a small little voice
that is crying and screaming inside me
see me
be with me
get to know me
the "nice" is nice
but it is thin
i have seen your substance
you are smart and strong and wise
can you be that with me too
besides the nice i mean
i want both of you
both you and ye
please share both of you with both of me.

Depression

hits me straight on
no notice, no warning
only a dark hollow feeling inside
like i'm merely an observer.
a non-participant in the day.

the smile on my face is plastic
i all but hear what you are saying
because i am consumed by this hollowness within me
the frozen in time feeling
of not really mattering

not contributing
only being here
present in body
but not in spirit
because my spirit is hiding around the corner
behind the happiness that i felt yesterday

if i let it out
who knows what
what is it hiding from
am i completely nuts
a broken and rejected part of someone's past

why do you haunt me
how can you know me
will you reject me
will i be alone
again